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Showing posts from April, 2021

Almost Single.

 Almost Single My heart is shattered into  million pieces like the stars. You should be here But you're not My mind spinning like the galaxies Crying to bed I miss your smell Weakening my bones  with your spell You should be here on my chest Feeling my breathe My heart is yelling and screaming in pain Its's better I don't see you again!  But the memories make it harder and harder I miss your voice. You always say you'll break the wall in between. Build a bridge I still wonder when? I'm I close to the win? Wait, come back. I don't want to let you go. I don't want to be alone,not now I know it's a desperate kind of love But it feels real. Don't go. 

Naked.

Before I step out into public, I lock my opinions in a safe That resides deep within The ridges of my brain. I wear a sweet smile To mask the dull pain radiating throughout my body. But when I enter my safe space, I strip myself of that smile, And look my pain in the eye. I dig into the ridges of my brain To grab and unlock the safe. I welcome my vulnerability In all its undisguised nakedness.

Trying Too Hard

All I ask you to do is believe me when I say"We can't go, no one is allowed over." But you can't even give me that You have to assume I'm lying. "You're my best friend, and I love you." Remember that one? I sure do, I remember how you promised me, Promised me, that you were always there for me So where are you now? You're most likely off with her, your REAL best friend The one, whom you called, "A person I can live without." Why then, I ask you, am I the one you ditch I'm your "best friend", right? Lies. Maybe I'm trying too hard I asked you to stop yelling at me When I was on the verge of breaking But you continued to criticize me I should know, I have the scars to prove it. You promised not to stress me out So, why then, do I have the scars and sleepless nights To prove that I can't take this life anymore? You don't understand You never did I always tried to tell you But I couldn't bring myself to The rea

Drown Out The World.

I listen to my music to drown out all the sound traffic outside, parents fighting the chaos all around. Take me to another world nature, the club, the sea let me fill a different role someone else to be. Swaying to the beat like a fish that's swimming by having the time of my life for that, I cannot lie. Close my eyes and jam out Get this party started tonight bob my head, rock my body in my mind, I'm in the spotlight. Fall asleep with songs still playing the lyrics invade my dream from lollipops ( I want candy ) to sexy ( peaches and cream )

Some of us are scared to live

Some of us are scared to live, Fearing rejection, fearing we may end up alone. Fearing we're never good enough,  Thinking we cannot be accepted.  Fearing we're not worth anything good.  Scared to make our moves because we scared we will fail. Inside there's a voice telling us we are looser. Scared to smoke that weed we might go mad. Scared to taste wine and alcohol because It's uncool.  Running to God hoping he'll help us,  We'll wake up winners, well he doesn't he just watches.  Then the question is what are we really doing. Definitely not living, we are numb if not dead. There's nothing in our lives just the loneliness. Nothing inside us just the emptiness  No drama no action just daydreaming and Imagination. That One day we'll get the courage to live our lives That One day we'll smile and It will be real. That one day we'll fall in love and find happiness. That one day, we'll try and get high on molly and weed. Get drunk, Talk to the g

When Nobody wants you

It may seem like a sad discovery To find no pot of gold at Rainbows end, Like a recovery from an adultery Or having to defend what you transcend. When Nobody wants you, Love thyself! Santa Claus is gone, so be an Elf! Reindeer games over, no need to know. Keep yourself warm, your nose aglow. Loneliness is a phase of self-deception, An awakening from " owning" people, A time for immaculate introspection, A long walk up a very steep hill. When Nobody wants you want yourself! Desire all that you see in the mirror. Recognize your beauty, health, and wealth. Pains vanish and you will see clearer. Let no envious voice cause frustration Once you've achieved confidence. Those plastic bullets, false accusations Will end up on a broken fence. When Nobody wants you, want nobody. This is for me to know. Enjoy a role as an absentee. Be like the river and flow. :-(

Corrupt me with your infidelity

Corrupt me with your infidelity, He who lives within me is  marching for war, Condemn me with my inequality, He who lives within me is looking for another score, I live in an era of the depressed, I live in a country of many be the oppressed, I live in a state of dejection, emotions suppressed, Save me not, I need no help, Even when it gets loud, heed not my yelps, Serve my heart to your lustrous ghost, And my body to your current host, For I have never been so, so lost, Corrupt me with your marinated lies, Bother not I won't despise of it, mine heart won't cry, Drown me in your playful world, I loathe games of the heart, I let you win for my sanity sake and life's path, Yours was not love, yours was just poisoned honey, cancerous as lead can be, For that, I lament and repent for having my soul mislead! ~penhive

Here’s Why I Ghosted Him

 Here’s Why I Ghosted Him It began as an accident. I had not meant to right swipe on Lou.* But as most online daters know, thumbs get tired and accidental swipes will happen. Lou was nice and all. Just not my type. I am drawn to foreign men with tons of hair, humor, and biting wit. Lou was American, bald, and didn’t speak in sarcasm. But months passed, and I continued to go out with him because I was sure the universe was sending me a message — it’s time to stop dating your type. Maybe that accidental swipe was fate? Or so I hoped. But relationships sometimes end exactly how they began. One evening, I lay on the couch entangled in his arms. Bourbon warming my stomach as time slowed to his rising and falling chest. And that is when it hit me — I was actually starting to like someone that was not my type. Best of all, he wouldn’t give me a single thing to write about. Writer's block never felt so good. I couldn’t wait to see him again. Emboldened by the bourbon, I did something I don

Whore Phase and Mid-Life Crisis

I always feel that my opinion is always different from others I’m the kind of person who will say the goalkeeper is good rather than the penalty taker is whack when he saves a penalty. When Arsenal plays Man city; There’s a big difference saying Man city will win and saying Arsenal will lose though It’s all the same thing it just how you see it. Do you see it according to the weakest side or from the stronger side? I don't know how it happens like that but that’s my life and whatever I’m going to talk about here is something you've heard about. Something they told you not to do. “This is my girl since day one since I had no money”. It’s loyalty not love; Love is complicated because it controls you, you can't control love, the moment you choose how to love, who you love that’s not love. You can learn how to love someone but most of the times it happens naturally you might try running away from it, trying to avoid it but every time you do it brings you closer. But we confuse

Cold heart

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I'm  cold with so many soft spots One setback I surrender, I retreat And you want more from me You want me to show you I want you enough  You think maybe I don't? I make it complicated and tough for you Because every challenge you throw I fail You want me to be more persuasive and I'm not. It kills you, you can't say it. My feelings for you run deeper than you can imagine. It gets worse everyday I try to ignore them Because I know what will happen. I don't want to feel rejected I just want to feel  wanted Been there over 100 times  Opening up and pouring my feelings out I don't like how it ends, I was threated like an outcast Somebody who doesn't deserve any kind of love just felt like what's the point  Of all this if this is the outcome I don't want to go to that point again So I'm sorry for loving you more than I can show you Sorry If my ego gets the best of me I'm so sorry for failing your challenges I'm sorry if I don't understand