I wanna Die, I wanna Live a Little

came a long to see you, only to say goodbye

I wanna stay,but I'll have to go we’ll talk tomorrow or

I can call you later with nothing to say

Or I can still stay with nothing to say or do

 We can…? Never mind it’s a bad idea, I should go goodbye.


The following morning, I really miss you and I wanna see you please come over. 

Oh something came up I had to leave the house. I'll call you when I get back.

“I really love you, you know but I’ve nothing to show”  bye.

I start wandering in the house with nothing to do.


“Are you back?”

“No.”

I should tell her I'm back late so she won’t make it in time.

It’s  now all most 10:00 PM

“I'm back, I don’t know if you can make it. It’s dangerous at this time”

“Don’t worry I’ll take an Uber”

What do you want? I ask myself again and again.

No answer comes to mind.

She calls. “I'm here, come pick me up.”

Clearly I want heaven but I’m comfortable with hell

I want happiness but seem to be content in sorrow and loneliness.


Comes in with food and a bottle of wine and another bottle of spirit.

“I know you don't drink feminine shit, I brought you this hope you like it”

“I don’t drink nowadays, Just water and watermelon juice”

“You decide”

Another hard decision to make. Should I drink or not? Maybe I should because I’m nervous I  can’t decide.

 I even don’t know if the salt in my food is enough or if I should add some.


She’s in my house and I don’t know what to say. The only thing that comes to mind is something I can do and be done in 30 secs. And we have the whole night . My heart is pounding, I can't breathe and It’s beautiful outside. There’s the full moon in my balcony 

“We should drink”

We sat on the floor. As we ate and drank in the middle of the night my mind was still absent wandering which words to say. At One moment I wish we skipped to tomorrow and she already left. Deep down this is everything I want. Deep down this is heaven for me. Deep down I wanna be stuck here, at this moment with her forever. But anxiety is killing me.


Quietly we ate and drank looking at the moon. At one moment we stood and danced to Celine Dion, kissed and she said I was boring, she wanted to leave the same night. I felt relieved and I can finally breathe comfortably. But I also want her to stay. How can I tell her I’m enjoying this? Will she understand me? Felt like crying but I'm a Man.

Stay with me tonight

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