Skip to main content

Scared of being Judged- what will people say?


I've been writing way since I knew I could write filling piles of books. I did all that and never wanted anyone to see them. And I would get angry if you did read any of my poems or anything I've ever written. Because I was afraid of being judged or whatever people will say. The system taught me being in the middle is the safest place to be. I'm the student who always knows the answer and stays quiet . I knew I was weird buh I had to act normal. I lost myself in there just to be like the others. Strangers might be knowing  more about me than my friends because Im afraid they'll judge me. Okay maybe strangers also do judge buh its better. I won't see it.
For a fact i know is don't try to divide the sea like Moses you're not Moses, Just build a bridge, make your own boat  or  swim accross the sea. I ask people how do they do it? They even don't know. It's like it just happened to them that they don't care about other peoples opinions?
I can dress to kill, buh that moment you tell me I'm not smart. That's enough for ruining my entire day or get back home to change into something else. I hate comments whether good or bad. I don't give compliments and when I do I lie because I don't know how to do it or I just want you to feel good. It works.
I've so many principles. One is doing the right thing buh I don't because you'll judge me.
I don't date because someone will say my girlfriend is not beautiful.
I don't drink because someone will say I'm lightweight. Or I drink too much. Or I drink cheap liquor.
Everytime I'm walking I feel like someone is watching me I even sometimes miss my steps because I want whoever is looking at me to see me walk perfectly.
I just want to look perfect in people's eyes.  And just I wondered what If I was me.
Pushing everyone to greatness while I'm stuck. What if I was me, But Im me I mean me - not how I'm supposed to be.
But again what will happen if I'm me. Or what will people say about me. I figured nothing they even don't care. It's just me who made it all up. How many people walk naked in the Streets? And no one has bothered to give them a LESO to hide their goodies?  Is everyone's LESO so expensive or more worthy for that? Everyone is too busy on their things Just Look and walk away.
Or May be it's me who judges a lot. And I'm scared of being judged too? . So Im trying to be perfect.
Im scared of everything except death. How funny?  because I put everyone else needs in front of mine.
I know I'm not alone, I can help you but I can't help myself.
You can reach out to me.
:-Tezodigital.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Why did you laugh?

Why did you laugh? When you know your smile robs me of my senses, Takes my identity and also flashes my bright eyes, Unable to think about anything else but submit to you, Rob me of my masculinity and make me feel like a little boy. Passionately, intimately, you look me straight in the eyes, For your eyes are the windows to your heart, I can gaze straight through your beautiful soul, For I trust your eyes will never lie, no matter how hard you'd try. You should know, three things that makes my life complete  Are love, laughter, and you, my drug, my addiction, The laughter has lasted since the very first moment  Falling for you babynaa, has been so much fun. Regardless of whether it's giggles at the kitchen table  Or even full loud laughter any place we're capable  Every single smile, is an image of our affection  You're my dream come true, all I ever dreamt of. Our adoration, well that is somewhat more significant  Radiating through when our giggling is rid...

WHEN I WAS YOUNG

I would hide my arms in my shirt and tell people I've lost my arms.๐Ÿ™ˆ I would restart a video game when I knew I was going to loose.๐Ÿ˜‚ I ,not once, made my friends think they have got something either on the back or the forehead and pretend that I'm rubbing it but end up smacking real hard ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ lol๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I would close my eyes and act like nobody is seeing me ๐Ÿ˜ต  I would sleep with all stuffed animals so none of them gets offended๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜… I had that one pen with six colours and wanted to push all the buttons at once. If you never used it then you missed out on such a great  item. Or do they still exist๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚  I would pour soda on the caps and act like I'm taking shots at the bubbles..like pap pap pap ๐Ÿ˜ˆ . I would wait behind the door to scare someone,but ended up leaving the scene  because they took long or I had to go pee or took another direction instead ๐Ÿ˜ญ I would fake being asleep so my mom would carry me to bed. I would even hold my breath to make the nap seem mo...

I have a Secret Too

Yeah, everybody has a secret. I have one, too. Most of my friends know, But what about you? I can't explain what I'm feeling. Could it be true? I'm not sure, but I think I'm falling for you. To be honest, I think it's quite possible. It's funny how this feeling grew. I'm falling once again, But this time it's for you. Tell me you like me Or at least give me a clue. I know this feeling I've felt it before, But that was different 'Cause he walked out the door... I could be losing it, But I'll let the rain pour Because a day without you Is like hitting the floor. All over again, I'll fight this war... Standing here with you feels so right, But something's wrong. This rhyme is a little off, But I'll sing this song. It's beautiful Because its melody is so lovely, but somehow it doesn't belong. It doesn't have to be perfect, So why don't you sing along? I'm being honest. I can't...