Scared of being Judged- what will people say?

I've been writing way since I knew I could write filling piles of books. I did all that and never wanted anyone to see them. And I would get angry if you did read any of my poems or anything I've ever written. Because I was afraid of being judged or whatever people will say. The system taught me being in the middle is the safest place to be. I'm the student who always knows the answer and stays quiet . I knew I was weird buh I had to act normal. I lost myself in there just to be like the others. Strangers might be knowing  more about me than my friends because Im afraid they'll judge me. Okay maybe strangers also do judge buh its better. I won't see it.
For a fact i know is don't try to divide the sea like Moses you're not Moses, Just build a bridge, make your own boat  or  swim accross the sea. I ask people how do they do it? They even don't know. It's like it just happened to them that they don't care about other peoples opinions?
I can dress to kill, buh that moment you tell me I'm not smart. That's enough for ruining my entire day or get back home to change into something else. I hate comments whether good or bad. I don't give compliments and when I do I lie because I don't know how to do it or I just want you to feel good. It works.
I've so many principles. One is doing the right thing buh I don't because you'll judge me.
I don't date because someone will say my girlfriend is not beautiful.
I don't drink because someone will say I'm lightweight. Or I drink too much. Or I drink cheap liquor.
Everytime I'm walking I feel like someone is watching me I even sometimes miss my steps because I want whoever is looking at me to see me walk perfectly.
I just want to look perfect in people's eyes.  And just I wondered what If I was me.
Pushing everyone to greatness while I'm stuck. What if I was me, But Im me I mean me - not how I'm supposed to be.
But again what will happen if I'm me. Or what will people say about me. I figured nothing they even don't care. It's just me who made it all up. How many people walk naked in the Streets? And no one has bothered to give them a LESO to hide their goodies?  Is everyone's LESO so expensive or more worthy for that? Everyone is too busy on their things Just Look and walk away.
Or May be it's me who judges a lot. And I'm scared of being judged too? . So Im trying to be perfect.
Im scared of everything except death. How funny?  because I put everyone else needs in front of mine.
I know I'm not alone, I can help you but I can't help myself.
You can reach out to me.
:-Tezodigital.