YELLOW CARD IN BED
SOURCE|CREDITS| DAVID KOSHOLO
She was not the first I ever met, but she was the first I ever physically met after months of texting online. There were days when WhatsApp and I were inseparable. Like if one could get shares according to the way he used the App, then I would own 15% of WhatsApp in shares. Those were the days I was in 10 WhatsApp groups and was having active chats with almost 10 people, 9 chicks and one guy. Noel was among the 9. Noel was the only one who seemed to answer one of my questions the way I wanted it.
I got her number from one of the groups in which I was an administrator ( chill, It means admin). Being an admin those days meant you had ultimate power over your poor subjects. You could destroy and build . you could add and subtract, I even used to toy with the idea that Admin was the short form of the dictator Iddi Amin.
I started with my typical ‘Hey, just thought I’d say Hi’ and saw the blue ticks, then the typing then the typical response came through. I don’t know what is it with Kenyan chicks, they keep insisting on where you got their number as if it was some endangered species only available in private Zoos. Noel didn’t insist much and boom, I gave her two points. The first two weeks, our chats had become too much to the extent that you could scroll from the bottom of the chats while the SANY were demolishing a mall, and after the Bulldozer is long gone that’s when you would get to the top. That was how it was.
She wasn’t dollishly beautiful or bootylicious. She was just pretty and simple. This is where chicks get it wrong, chicks thinks guys die for heavy mascara and Layers of lipstick, heavy wigs that compress your neck or even 9 inch high heels. No, guys are simple creatures.
The reason dates back in the garden of Eden when man and cows were the only creatures roaming naked in the land. So Man never knew what the hell beauty was apart from the cows, gorillas and orangutans he hanged out with. His simple mind never changed even after his rib was robbed to create a woman. The first place he looked at was …yeah you know. Not because he was a pervert. No. Because those were the only parts that looked new to him. Up to date a mans eyes never lingers at your face to see your 50k wig, or 30k eye lashes, or your tattooed eye brows. Keep it simple, we won’t leave you. That’s why I didn’t leave her for looks.
It’s funny how texting can get so intense that the hormones start to play along. The hormones played along alright, but there was nothing around to calm them down. So we organized a day to meet. At that time I was in Meru county, straight out of high school, skinny and tall. I didn’t weigh much than 50kg. In form four I was the class prefect for our class. I ruled with an iron fist ( I didn’t have a plastic ruler). I used to get extra shares of bread during break, and that meant I could easily skip lunch without appearing anorexic. The grade 9 mafuko bread did its job of keeping me slim. My friends would joke that if I was in the lab I would easily be mistaken for a Burning splint or a thermometer.
All the guys around me were growing bigger and bigger. Spensor, my sit mate was the rugby captain. Now you can imagine how that contrast played to my disadvantage. He kept telling me to lift weights and eat a lot…the eating bit was easy but I was not ready to balance pieces of building stones over my chest. That would crash my heart ( plus ego and some ribs).
Now Noel would have to endure my slim chest and six packs. I had them packs because the only work out that was easy for me were sit ups. I loved sit ups because a girl I was seeing in high school was my ‘ coach’ during holidays, each time we would hang out at their lawn, she would sit on my Knees and I would huff and puff with the sit-ups. Not wanting her ass off my knees I would huff and puff till I could feel my Ascaris lumbricoides scream. That is after 150 sit ups. So my babies got rock hard, up to date.
We organized the date to happen on her 21st birthday, I was 17 then. You see When we started the online dating we never talked of ages, but one day she asked me, I said 17, it was almost the end. She kept saying blah am young, blah blah blah .Now here I was With no beard. With No ID. With No idea about how things would go down. It was like a kiss from the dark. The idea of roaming the cop ridden Nairobi streets with no ID scared me, so I told her I won’t spend the night there. She concurred.
November 4th, 2015. 5:40 am, It was Pitch dark when i got to the stage. Spent twenty minutes without getting any matt to Nanyuki. I decide to board a Noah, without toying with the idea that I might be abducted and sold into slavery to the Palestine’s. Later, I’m in Nanyuki dressed in a skinny ripped short jeans, high cut black sneakers, DRUNK red T-shirt, Sky blue Christmas goose sweat shirt and some random stuff in my bag. I take the matt to Nairobi with a missing button on my shorts (story for another day) . I keep updating her on each step the matt makes.
9: 45 -‘Babe. Umefika wapi?’
9:46 ‘Ndio tunavuka bumbs hapa Nyahururu’.√√
Two minutes later
9:48 ‘Umefika wapi’
9:50 ‘Ndio gari inavuka road blocks mbele ya zile bumbs tumepita.
I had to go offline because my techno p3 Phone and battery longevity were like a politician with transparency. It had the phone version of Pre-mature ejaculation. The battery could only last 3 hours. At about 1 pm I alight and call her. She tells me she’s on her way. 1:40 I call her she says she’s in a jam. 2:20 I call, The same excuse. I sigh with terror, what if she was not Noel, but some chick pulling pranks on me. What if she was one of those Nairobian con women who would invite you then ransack you dry or worse a cult leader ready to fish Testicles from me to use in their rituals. I shivered mostly from fear than cold.
The Nairobi traffic was at it’s worse. I had No ID, and I could already see some Cops walking around. I knew today was the day my ancestors would punish me for not pouring them libation. Woí balaî. I prayed to God and apologized for dropping C.R.E in form 2. I even wanted to download the bible from play store but couldn’t trust my phone. I sang mfalme wa amani by Solomon mukubwa twice.
At the Nanyuki stage, the commuters were getting less and less and I knew it was not long I would start becoming suspicious. Hell, they might even label me a suicide bomber who is waiting for a call from Iraq to get into action. At about 3pm, the sun is still shining brightly, I get a call from Noel. Kwisha, my testicles and I were soon to part ways. I had played with that idea for long that I even started believing it. Or was it hunger?.
“Hello Dave, umesimama wapi?”.
Oh no, she’s even calling me with my actual name, what happened to babe? Now I was sure that I would leave Nairobi an impotent Mule.
“Uhm…Niko hapa kwa stage bado, uko wapi kwani?” I say clutching my phone so hard I could feel it crackle abit. You cannot trust these streets. They could easily steal your skin colour. My other hand was pressing tightly at the 700 I was left with meant for transport back home. Now before I go on, I started off at home with only 1,700. I had no Idea how we would eat, drink ? Or what I’d do in case of an emergency. I had not planned that , I worked with my budget mûrûmé. She tells me to pace straight across the road, that she’s standing somewhere in front a mini super market opposite Kenol kobil. We are in River road.
I do as I am told, my fears fading but still peeping from behind my back. I cross the road, and meander and maneuver through the crowd clutching my phone as if it contained my pass word to heaven. I look around and see no one. My testicles have now shrunk from the cold and the prospect of being used for a cult ritual. I tell you, watching too much horror movie is bad for the mind (and testicles too). I call her and Alas, in front of me to my right is Noel. Pretty little thing.
‘Hey babe’, she squeals as she hugs me tightly. She is so short that i could almost feel her neck pulse on my navel. So they sent a short one who will easily get access to my testicles huh?. She’s wearing a blue bomber jacket, blue jeans and white rubber shoes. Her hair is natural and tied in a small knot at the back of her head. She has a big smile on her face (and a big red infinix) . I on the other hand is grinning weirdly, not knowing what to do. I’m used to taking charge when I’m with a chick but this was Nairobi and the only thing that needed me to take charge of it, was my phone. It was at 3%.
“Ndio umefika ?”. She says putting her arm into mine. She seems so at ease, as if we are walking at her mothers Veranda.
“Waah finally, Siku imefika, sikujua we ni mfupi hivi”.
“We ndo mrefu, unakaa kama sign post”. Oh lord, I hope she meant just the height and not the girth.
“So what next, this is your city, tunaenda?” I tell her after killing, skinning, roasting, salting and Swallowing my pride.
“Let’s go eat first, then we’ll decide what next”. I rub my folded 700 as if comforting it . She leads me to this fast food joint on the second floor. We sit and she takes one menu. I take the other. Like many men before me, I choose for myself the cheapest meal in that menu, Passion fruit juice 100bob. I wait for her to finish her choice, I see her eyes drop down to the foods below the menu. The section with chicken and Pilau’s. She orders Pilau, Kachumbari and Mayonnaise 500bob. I almost swallowed my teeth, my pride was already going through digestion. My armpits were dripping like a leaking pipe. The foods come, and we talk about family, Us, Nairobi, her birthday etc. It’s around 4, she decides we head to Lunar park and chill so that later we go back to her place in Langata for some wine which her brother had brought her.
Her brother is a bulging motherfucker. An upcoming rapper who I was not ready to meet. I mean, a person who raps about ‘Killing em all haters’ is not someone I would like to be introduced too. His name is Johnny. I tell Noel that I won’t stay for the night as we lie on the grass at lunar park. I’m using my bag as a pillow for security purposes. She is lying on my arm as I stroke her ears while we talk. Suddenly a shadow hovers over us blocking the warm sun that was ‘heating’ up our bodies. I sit up, it’s a guy in normal clothes, pheew not a cop. Then as if reading my mind he tells us to follow him. We follow him (not on twitter). He halts in front of a small condo like post.
“Do you know why I called you here ?” he asks smiling. When strangers smile at me my mind rushes to penny wise the clown. I hate penny wise. Noel takes the lead and asks why. The guy, who apparently is a lunar park cop, tells us that the CCTV camera had caught us making out in the park. Making out?. My heart shrunk.
“ so, what will happen to us ?”. Noel asks abit too calm for the situation. There I was standing thinking about Nyayo house and jail horrors. The guy asks us to give us our ID. Noel gives her hers. I fumble with my pockets and tell the guy I’m not 18 yet. The truth always sets us free right?.
“You are underage ?” he says and smiles again before handing back the ID. He then asks us how much we have. Oh how typical. After a bargain. Noel pays him 200 Bob. My ego now has already packed it’s things and left.
We walk out of the park heading to town as she tries to persuade me to stay, I feel like pouring my heart out and tell her I’m broke…but my ego makes a face at me (oh it’s back). It’s sin for a man to admit he is broke. I actually tell her that I hadn’t plan for the sleep over. She pouts and keeps the stories flowing. I like girls who talk a lot. They save me a lot of fuss and that make’s me happy. When Kosholo is happy, he likes sticking around, and so I decide to stay over. In my pocket I’m nursing an injured 100bob. I have no front or back (😂😂😁😁😁😁😌😂😂).
To save the situation, I flash my aunt. She calls and I lie to her that’s it’s my birthday today. She says She’ll send me something tomorrow. I tell her why not today, she says she has nothing today. I wither. To make matters worse my Mpesa wasn’t working. So I gave her Noels number.
It’s 5 in Nairobi and I only have a hundred Bob. I’m hungry, tired and sleepy. Noel leads me on, as we enjoy our slow walk, which she made deliberately so that it would get dark and I would have to stay, it’s not like I had an choice. We are around Government road when she says we find a lodging. I tell her I have no cash to pay for one. She says she will pay for it. Now I know my grandmothers prayers actually worked.
We hunt for a lodge, but each lodging is asking for our IDs. Some are expensive. Some are stuffed and bordered close to a wines and spirit. We find one along River Lane. She pays and we head up the stairs to our room. I expected to find a broken bed, dusty tables, waterless taps. But I find the opposite. There was even a TV that we didn’t bother to Turn on. The first thing she did was rearrange the bed sheets and did them a fresh, she took the soaps we were given and took them to the Bathroom. How wifely. I lie on the bed trying to register any emotion and hold on to it. None came along. Well apart from My hormones. We take a lot of selfies and she says that she has to shower and that I should wait till she finishes.
Two minutes in the shower, I defiantly join her. Something (not my hands though) nudged her back and she turned around giggling. “ You couldn’t wait”. Wait,? I had waited for Three months just to get here. We do what people do when they are in the shower nude. Not what your thinking about. Showering you silly. I scrub her Back and she scrubs mine. I never knew such small things were so relaxing.
My friend down below, is about to pluck himself off and do what his Job description tells him to do. As I’m thinking. she says she’s feeling hungry. She gives me 200 bob and sends me to buy some supper. I wear my shorts with no boxers, vest and sandals and I rush down to a small mart across the streets. It’s 10pm but the City is so alive. I could even see some hookers paraded down the block. I buy a love cake, and two Fanta pineapples. I come back in a hurry and strip, forgetting the snacks. As things are getting hotter and hotter, that point where Mr.boner is about to make a grand entry. She stops me. I swear I could hear my heart stop and my pulmonary artery twitch. I ask her what’s up, she says ‘ Siezi bila CD’
Oh great. How could I have forgotten that. I slip in the Lodging robe with nothing inside and speed downstairs. I Buy a box of Trust ribbed. Banana flavor. I tear the box away and stash the rest in my Wallet. I rush upstairs into the warm embrace of the room. I find her all Jelly and melted on the bed. Grabbing my wallet, I excuse myself to the bathroom. As I take out the CD’s, a yellow card tucked inside there catches my eye. I take it out only to see it is my ATM card (Abstinence Till Marriage Card) because my God really plays too much. I read it once more and return it back
AUTHOR: DAVID KOSHOLO
I got her number from one of the groups in which I was an administrator ( chill, It means admin). Being an admin those days meant you had ultimate power over your poor subjects. You could destroy and build . you could add and subtract, I even used to toy with the idea that Admin was the short form of the dictator Iddi Amin.
I started with my typical ‘Hey, just thought I’d say Hi’ and saw the blue ticks, then the typing then the typical response came through. I don’t know what is it with Kenyan chicks, they keep insisting on where you got their number as if it was some endangered species only available in private Zoos. Noel didn’t insist much and boom, I gave her two points. The first two weeks, our chats had become too much to the extent that you could scroll from the bottom of the chats while the SANY were demolishing a mall, and after the Bulldozer is long gone that’s when you would get to the top. That was how it was.
She wasn’t dollishly beautiful or bootylicious. She was just pretty and simple. This is where chicks get it wrong, chicks thinks guys die for heavy mascara and Layers of lipstick, heavy wigs that compress your neck or even 9 inch high heels. No, guys are simple creatures.
The reason dates back in the garden of Eden when man and cows were the only creatures roaming naked in the land. So Man never knew what the hell beauty was apart from the cows, gorillas and orangutans he hanged out with. His simple mind never changed even after his rib was robbed to create a woman. The first place he looked at was …yeah you know. Not because he was a pervert. No. Because those were the only parts that looked new to him. Up to date a mans eyes never lingers at your face to see your 50k wig, or 30k eye lashes, or your tattooed eye brows. Keep it simple, we won’t leave you. That’s why I didn’t leave her for looks.
It’s funny how texting can get so intense that the hormones start to play along. The hormones played along alright, but there was nothing around to calm them down. So we organized a day to meet. At that time I was in Meru county, straight out of high school, skinny and tall. I didn’t weigh much than 50kg. In form four I was the class prefect for our class. I ruled with an iron fist ( I didn’t have a plastic ruler). I used to get extra shares of bread during break, and that meant I could easily skip lunch without appearing anorexic. The grade 9 mafuko bread did its job of keeping me slim. My friends would joke that if I was in the lab I would easily be mistaken for a Burning splint or a thermometer.
All the guys around me were growing bigger and bigger. Spensor, my sit mate was the rugby captain. Now you can imagine how that contrast played to my disadvantage. He kept telling me to lift weights and eat a lot…the eating bit was easy but I was not ready to balance pieces of building stones over my chest. That would crash my heart ( plus ego and some ribs).
Now Noel would have to endure my slim chest and six packs. I had them packs because the only work out that was easy for me were sit ups. I loved sit ups because a girl I was seeing in high school was my ‘ coach’ during holidays, each time we would hang out at their lawn, she would sit on my Knees and I would huff and puff with the sit-ups. Not wanting her ass off my knees I would huff and puff till I could feel my Ascaris lumbricoides scream. That is after 150 sit ups. So my babies got rock hard, up to date.
We organized the date to happen on her 21st birthday, I was 17 then. You see When we started the online dating we never talked of ages, but one day she asked me, I said 17, it was almost the end. She kept saying blah am young, blah blah blah .Now here I was With no beard. With No ID. With No idea about how things would go down. It was like a kiss from the dark. The idea of roaming the cop ridden Nairobi streets with no ID scared me, so I told her I won’t spend the night there. She concurred.
November 4th, 2015. 5:40 am, It was Pitch dark when i got to the stage. Spent twenty minutes without getting any matt to Nanyuki. I decide to board a Noah, without toying with the idea that I might be abducted and sold into slavery to the Palestine’s. Later, I’m in Nanyuki dressed in a skinny ripped short jeans, high cut black sneakers, DRUNK red T-shirt, Sky blue Christmas goose sweat shirt and some random stuff in my bag. I take the matt to Nairobi with a missing button on my shorts (story for another day) . I keep updating her on each step the matt makes.
9: 45 -‘Babe. Umefika wapi?’
9:46 ‘Ndio tunavuka bumbs hapa Nyahururu’.√√
Two minutes later
9:48 ‘Umefika wapi’
9:50 ‘Ndio gari inavuka road blocks mbele ya zile bumbs tumepita.
I had to go offline because my techno p3 Phone and battery longevity were like a politician with transparency. It had the phone version of Pre-mature ejaculation. The battery could only last 3 hours. At about 1 pm I alight and call her. She tells me she’s on her way. 1:40 I call her she says she’s in a jam. 2:20 I call, The same excuse. I sigh with terror, what if she was not Noel, but some chick pulling pranks on me. What if she was one of those Nairobian con women who would invite you then ransack you dry or worse a cult leader ready to fish Testicles from me to use in their rituals. I shivered mostly from fear than cold.
The Nairobi traffic was at it’s worse. I had No ID, and I could already see some Cops walking around. I knew today was the day my ancestors would punish me for not pouring them libation. Woí balaî. I prayed to God and apologized for dropping C.R.E in form 2. I even wanted to download the bible from play store but couldn’t trust my phone. I sang mfalme wa amani by Solomon mukubwa twice.
At the Nanyuki stage, the commuters were getting less and less and I knew it was not long I would start becoming suspicious. Hell, they might even label me a suicide bomber who is waiting for a call from Iraq to get into action. At about 3pm, the sun is still shining brightly, I get a call from Noel. Kwisha, my testicles and I were soon to part ways. I had played with that idea for long that I even started believing it. Or was it hunger?.
“Hello Dave, umesimama wapi?”.
Oh no, she’s even calling me with my actual name, what happened to babe? Now I was sure that I would leave Nairobi an impotent Mule.
“Uhm…Niko hapa kwa stage bado, uko wapi kwani?” I say clutching my phone so hard I could feel it crackle abit. You cannot trust these streets. They could easily steal your skin colour. My other hand was pressing tightly at the 700 I was left with meant for transport back home. Now before I go on, I started off at home with only 1,700. I had no Idea how we would eat, drink ? Or what I’d do in case of an emergency. I had not planned that , I worked with my budget mûrûmé. She tells me to pace straight across the road, that she’s standing somewhere in front a mini super market opposite Kenol kobil. We are in River road.
I do as I am told, my fears fading but still peeping from behind my back. I cross the road, and meander and maneuver through the crowd clutching my phone as if it contained my pass word to heaven. I look around and see no one. My testicles have now shrunk from the cold and the prospect of being used for a cult ritual. I tell you, watching too much horror movie is bad for the mind (and testicles too). I call her and Alas, in front of me to my right is Noel. Pretty little thing.
‘Hey babe’, she squeals as she hugs me tightly. She is so short that i could almost feel her neck pulse on my navel. So they sent a short one who will easily get access to my testicles huh?. She’s wearing a blue bomber jacket, blue jeans and white rubber shoes. Her hair is natural and tied in a small knot at the back of her head. She has a big smile on her face (and a big red infinix) . I on the other hand is grinning weirdly, not knowing what to do. I’m used to taking charge when I’m with a chick but this was Nairobi and the only thing that needed me to take charge of it, was my phone. It was at 3%.
“Ndio umefika ?”. She says putting her arm into mine. She seems so at ease, as if we are walking at her mothers Veranda.
“Waah finally, Siku imefika, sikujua we ni mfupi hivi”.
“We ndo mrefu, unakaa kama sign post”. Oh lord, I hope she meant just the height and not the girth.
“So what next, this is your city, tunaenda?” I tell her after killing, skinning, roasting, salting and Swallowing my pride.
“Let’s go eat first, then we’ll decide what next”. I rub my folded 700 as if comforting it . She leads me to this fast food joint on the second floor. We sit and she takes one menu. I take the other. Like many men before me, I choose for myself the cheapest meal in that menu, Passion fruit juice 100bob. I wait for her to finish her choice, I see her eyes drop down to the foods below the menu. The section with chicken and Pilau’s. She orders Pilau, Kachumbari and Mayonnaise 500bob. I almost swallowed my teeth, my pride was already going through digestion. My armpits were dripping like a leaking pipe. The foods come, and we talk about family, Us, Nairobi, her birthday etc. It’s around 4, she decides we head to Lunar park and chill so that later we go back to her place in Langata for some wine which her brother had brought her.
Her brother is a bulging motherfucker. An upcoming rapper who I was not ready to meet. I mean, a person who raps about ‘Killing em all haters’ is not someone I would like to be introduced too. His name is Johnny. I tell Noel that I won’t stay for the night as we lie on the grass at lunar park. I’m using my bag as a pillow for security purposes. She is lying on my arm as I stroke her ears while we talk. Suddenly a shadow hovers over us blocking the warm sun that was ‘heating’ up our bodies. I sit up, it’s a guy in normal clothes, pheew not a cop. Then as if reading my mind he tells us to follow him. We follow him (not on twitter). He halts in front of a small condo like post.
“Do you know why I called you here ?” he asks smiling. When strangers smile at me my mind rushes to penny wise the clown. I hate penny wise. Noel takes the lead and asks why. The guy, who apparently is a lunar park cop, tells us that the CCTV camera had caught us making out in the park. Making out?. My heart shrunk.
“ so, what will happen to us ?”. Noel asks abit too calm for the situation. There I was standing thinking about Nyayo house and jail horrors. The guy asks us to give us our ID. Noel gives her hers. I fumble with my pockets and tell the guy I’m not 18 yet. The truth always sets us free right?.
“You are underage ?” he says and smiles again before handing back the ID. He then asks us how much we have. Oh how typical. After a bargain. Noel pays him 200 Bob. My ego now has already packed it’s things and left.
We walk out of the park heading to town as she tries to persuade me to stay, I feel like pouring my heart out and tell her I’m broke…but my ego makes a face at me (oh it’s back). It’s sin for a man to admit he is broke. I actually tell her that I hadn’t plan for the sleep over. She pouts and keeps the stories flowing. I like girls who talk a lot. They save me a lot of fuss and that make’s me happy. When Kosholo is happy, he likes sticking around, and so I decide to stay over. In my pocket I’m nursing an injured 100bob. I have no front or back (😂😂😁😁😁😁😌😂😂).
To save the situation, I flash my aunt. She calls and I lie to her that’s it’s my birthday today. She says She’ll send me something tomorrow. I tell her why not today, she says she has nothing today. I wither. To make matters worse my Mpesa wasn’t working. So I gave her Noels number.
It’s 5 in Nairobi and I only have a hundred Bob. I’m hungry, tired and sleepy. Noel leads me on, as we enjoy our slow walk, which she made deliberately so that it would get dark and I would have to stay, it’s not like I had an choice. We are around Government road when she says we find a lodging. I tell her I have no cash to pay for one. She says she will pay for it. Now I know my grandmothers prayers actually worked.
We hunt for a lodge, but each lodging is asking for our IDs. Some are expensive. Some are stuffed and bordered close to a wines and spirit. We find one along River Lane. She pays and we head up the stairs to our room. I expected to find a broken bed, dusty tables, waterless taps. But I find the opposite. There was even a TV that we didn’t bother to Turn on. The first thing she did was rearrange the bed sheets and did them a fresh, she took the soaps we were given and took them to the Bathroom. How wifely. I lie on the bed trying to register any emotion and hold on to it. None came along. Well apart from My hormones. We take a lot of selfies and she says that she has to shower and that I should wait till she finishes.
Two minutes in the shower, I defiantly join her. Something (not my hands though) nudged her back and she turned around giggling. “ You couldn’t wait”. Wait,? I had waited for Three months just to get here. We do what people do when they are in the shower nude. Not what your thinking about. Showering you silly. I scrub her Back and she scrubs mine. I never knew such small things were so relaxing.
My friend down below, is about to pluck himself off and do what his Job description tells him to do. As I’m thinking. she says she’s feeling hungry. She gives me 200 bob and sends me to buy some supper. I wear my shorts with no boxers, vest and sandals and I rush down to a small mart across the streets. It’s 10pm but the City is so alive. I could even see some hookers paraded down the block. I buy a love cake, and two Fanta pineapples. I come back in a hurry and strip, forgetting the snacks. As things are getting hotter and hotter, that point where Mr.boner is about to make a grand entry. She stops me. I swear I could hear my heart stop and my pulmonary artery twitch. I ask her what’s up, she says ‘ Siezi bila CD’
Oh great. How could I have forgotten that. I slip in the Lodging robe with nothing inside and speed downstairs. I Buy a box of Trust ribbed. Banana flavor. I tear the box away and stash the rest in my Wallet. I rush upstairs into the warm embrace of the room. I find her all Jelly and melted on the bed. Grabbing my wallet, I excuse myself to the bathroom. As I take out the CD’s, a yellow card tucked inside there catches my eye. I take it out only to see it is my ATM card (Abstinence Till Marriage Card) because my God really plays too much. I read it once more and return it backAUTHOR: DAVID KOSHOLO
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